A year ago Sunday March 4th my best friend took his own life and I couldn’t stop him.

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He was hurting and I didn’t know how to help him. He was broken and I didn’t know how to fix him.

 

 I’ve gone through all of the emotions of being devastated, sad, angry and disappointed in him and in myself. I blamed myself for not seeing the signs, for not doing or saying more to him the day before when he came to see me. I’ve cried myself to sleep and asked God why but I’ve been given no answer. I am left with a void and a piece of me that will forever be lost.

When his widow came to me and asked for me to help her start this nonprofit on mental health awareness for first responders and military I agreed but had no idea how I was going to be able to help. I couldn’t even help my best friend, how was I going to  help any other first responder?

 

Oh, I forgot to mention, my best friend was a first responder.

 

He was a law enforcement officer, a captain even. He’d been with the sheriff’s office for a very long time. Long enough to see and experience more trauma than anyone should in one lifetime.

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 I’ve learned a lot since being asked to be a part of this organization, it has made me realize that I would’ve never seen the signs of my friend’s intent BECAUSE he was a first responder and it was expected of him to be strong, to be silent of his broken pieces.

 

He knew all of the right things to say to lead me away from believing that he would actually take his own life. THAT is the real problem!!!

 

How can we as human beings expect another human being to be able to withstand all of the trauma and life altering scenes they are a part of on a regular basis without affecting them? I can’t even witness an animal being hit by a car without uncontrollably crying so I can’t imagine what’s going through an officer’s mind when he sees an infant that has been beaten to death by a relative or an entire family that has been killed by a drunk driver and still return home to his own family like it was just another day at the office.

 

What if his home life isn’t perfect on top of everything else he’s just witnessed? Why is it perfectly acceptable to expect another human being to absorb this type of life completely different than you or I would just because they’ve made an oath to serve and protect?

 

It’s not ok!!!! It’s time for us as a community to see all of our first responders, our military and all those that stand and take an oath to serve and protect us as human beings just the same as we see ourselves, a human being able to be affected and even broken by their job, their experiences, their home life. A human being that needs help getting through the rough spots.

Today, shortly after the first anniversary of such a sorrowing moment for myself, my best friend’s family, his other friends and coworkers, please help us make a difference.

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Go out and thank an officer, hug a fireman, shake the hand of a paramedic, buy a cup of coffee for one of our military members and let them know that they are loved and appreciated.

 

Let them know that there are organizations out there like this one that can help.

 

Please help us help them. Please help us in our mission to Serve Those Who Serve(d) Us!

~God speed Randy,  I love you and I miss you.~  Kimberly Rothermel